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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. – Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students. – John Ciardi
Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. – Abbott Lawrence Lowell
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. – Theodore Roosevelt
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If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing… you have a college degree. – Author Unknown
If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. – Robert Goheen, Time, 23 June 1961
It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge. – Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951
A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. – W.H. Auden
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving. – Russell Green
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B. – “Fats” Domino
Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn’t. – L.L. Hendren
College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night? – David Wood
A liberal education… frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation. – Robert Maynard Hutchins
Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner. – Will Rogers
A college education shows a man how little other people know. – Thomas Chandler Haliburton
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. – J. Frank Dobie
College is a great experience and exposes you to a lot of things you might not otherwise learn or experience. You learn to evaluate things, think for yourself, and become a more independent person. Even if you decide not to use your specific degree, college can never be a waste of money if you get something important out of it. Your degree is like money in the bank; it opens up a lot of opportunities for you. – Steven D. Woodhull (b.1976, U.S. geologist), “Tuition,” 1999
The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one’s mind a pleasant place in which to spend one’s leisure. – Sydney J. Harris
I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms — Truman’s and Eisenhower’s. – Alex Karras
Mandy Baxter: I’m loving college…. “Cogito, ergo sum.”
Mike Baxter: Twenty-five grand so she can figure out whether she exists or not.
– Kevin Hench , Last Man Standing, “Back to School” [S1, E3, 2013]
College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture. – Elbert Hubbard
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. – George Gobel
A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job. – Caroline Bird
I learned three important things in college – to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes. – Agnes DeMille, Dance to the Piper, 1952
The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary. – Martin H. Fischer
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that? – Author unknown, as seen on a T-shirt
Hitler destroyed the German university with design; we destroyed ours without. – Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows. – J. Robert Oppenheimer
The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong. – Nevin Fenneman
I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best – it’s all they’ll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money – provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don’t need it. – Peter DeVries
Standardization is the fertilizer of college education. A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure. – Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money. – Author Unknown
The elective system offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill. – Ted Morgan
Even an ass can die with a degree. All it takes is four years and four thousand dollars. – Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in. – Robert J. Kibbee
A place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed. – Robert G. Ingersoll
A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000. – Leonard L. Levinson
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