INTRODUCTION TO FUNNY BIBLE VERSES
The Bible and Bible verses are always and usually considered as boring thing (at least for those who don’t believe in God) stuffed with full of commandments about what you shouldn’t do and what you should do. But, have you ever read a particular Bible verse and found yourself laughing or amused?
BTW, don’t forget to read 153 BIBLE VERSES ABOUT FASTING – SOME ARE NOT EXPECTABLE
“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.” – Ezekiel 16:17
“Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.” – 1. Ezekiel 23:19
“Now it came about after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, ‘Behold, Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor: Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother.” – Genesis 22:20-21
“And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.” – Numbers 12:1
“Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” – Ezekiel 23:19-20
“As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.” – Acts 20:9
Remark – Dear preachers, please take this as a warning. Your parishioners will fall asleep and die if you let your sermons go “on and on and on”
FUNNY BIBLE VERSES ABOUT POOP
“Then he said to me, “See, I assign to you cow’s dung instead of human dung, on which you may prepare your bread.” – Ezekiel 4:15
“And you shall eat it as a barley cake, baking it in their sight on human dung.” – Ezekiel 4:12
“But the Rabshakeh said, “Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the men sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and drink their own urine?” – Isaiah 36:12
“You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement.” – Deuteronomy 23:12-13
“And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.” – Judges 3:21-22
“I will bring distress on mankind, so that they shall walk like the blind, because they have sinned against the Lord; their blood shall be poured out like dust, and their flesh like dung.” – Zephaniah 1:17
“And there was a great famine in Samaria, as they besieged it, until a donkey’s head was sold for eighty shekels of silver, and the fourth part of a kab of dove’s dung for five shekels of silver.” – 2 Kings 6:25
“Speak, Thus declares the Lord: ‘The dead bodies of men shall fall like dung upon the open field, like sheaves after the reaper, and none shall gather them.’” – Jeremiah 9:22
“And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.” – Deuteronomy 23:13-14
BIZARRE AND FUNNY BIBLE VERSES
“When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.” – Deut. 25:11
“Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.” – 11. Genesis 19:8
“Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you.” – 10. Deut. 28:53
“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.” – 8. Mark 14:51
“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.” – 7. Genesis 38:9
BIBLE VERSES ABOUT FUN FROM KING JAMES (KJV) VERSION
“[There is] nothing better for a man, [than] that he should eat and drink, and [that] he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it [was] from the hand of God.” – Ecclesiastes 2:24
“And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it [is] the gift of God.” – Ecclesiastes 3:13
“A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” – Proverbs 15:13
“Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labour the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 8:15
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“Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these [things] God will bring thee into judgment.” – Ecclesiastes 11:9
“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31
“And there ye shall eat before the LORD your God, and ye shall rejoice in all that ye put your hand unto, ye and your households, wherein the LORD thy God hath blessed thee.” – Deuteronomy 12:7
“Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.” – Psalms 149:3
“And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill [it]; and let us eat, and be merry:” – Luke 15:23-24
“A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22
“And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart”. – 2 Samuel 6:16
“Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” – 1 Timothy 5:23
“And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in the streets thereof.” – Zechariah 8:5
“And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.” – Exodus 32:6
FUNNY BIBLE VERSES THAT ARE OUT OF THE CONTEXT
“See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!” – Galatians 6:11
“He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.” – Proverbs 27:14
“At Parbar westward, four at the causeway, and two at Parbar.” – 1 Chronicles 26:18
“When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour” – Revelations 8:1
“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” – Proverbs 26:11
“Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner…” – Deuteronomy 14:21
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” He turned around, and looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.” – 2 Kings 2:23-24
“The lookout reported, “He has reached them, but he isn’t coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi–he drives like a madman.” – 2 Kings 9:20
FAKE FUNNY BIBLE VERSES
“Let those among you who are without sin be the first to throw the stone. The crowd looked at Jesus, believing he had a good point. Then Jesus picked up a stone” – Unknown
“Let there be sound. There was sound. Let there be light. There was light. Let there be drums. There was drums. Let there be guitar. There was guitar. Oh, Let there be rock.” – Unknown
“God said unto John, “Come forth and recieve eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.” – Unknown
“In the beginning, there was nothing. And then god created light, because he was afraid of the dark.” – Unknown
“And thou shall keep this last commandment close, that thou shalt not create more bible verse.” – Unknown
“Eat this cracker, for it is my body. Drink this wine, for it is my blood. Eat this cheeto, for it is spray painted styrofoam” – Unknown
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BTW, don’t forget to read 153 BIBLE VERSES ABOUT FASTING – SOME ARE NOT EXPECTABLE