Sarcastic Quotes

250 Top Most Sarcastic Quotes Every Said By Mankind – Highly Searched and Rated

 

INTRODUCTION TO SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

This is not just another post on Sarcastic Quotes. Here you will find only awesome Sarcastic Quotes that will blow your mind. In fact, this is the largest library of Sarcasm Quotes that are highly rated and searched in Google.

 

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SARCASTIC QUOTES VIDEOS

 

SARCASTIC INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

 

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright

 

Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?

 

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

 

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams  

 

Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

 

Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’. – Robin Williams

 

In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep. – Albert Einstein

 

Link – What is Sarcasm – By Wikipedia

 

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

 

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy. – Cynthia Nelms

 

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. – Robert Oppenheimer

 

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

 

Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

 

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

 

SARCASTIC LOVE QUOTES

 

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

 

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

 

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

 

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

 

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

 

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs. – Robin Williams

 

Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job.

 

It’s weird, marriage. It’s like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their ‘other half. – Jess C. Scott

 

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

 

Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt. -Cassandra Clare

 

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

 

SARCASTIC FUNNY QUOTES ON LIFE

 

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

 

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

 

Link – Examples of Sarcasm

 

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

 

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

 

The more that learn to read, the less learn how to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. – Will Rogers

 

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

 

Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.

 

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT LIFE

 

I’m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.

 

I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when i do, I’m probably at work.

 

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand. – Kurt Vonnegut

 

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

 

Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

 

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

 

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT WORK

 

Whoever says nothing surprises them should try working at our office.

 

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

 

Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese. -Suzanne Collins

 

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

 

Life’s good, you should get one.

 

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

 

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

 

Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. – Robin Williams

 

The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. – Murphy’s Laws

 

WITTY SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

 

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – Murphy’s Laws

 

Link – How to Stop Being Sarcastic

 

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

 

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

 

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

 

SARCASTIC FRIENDS QUOTES

 

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

 

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

 

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

 

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

 

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright

 

SARCASTIC VALENTINE DAY QUOTES

 

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

 

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

 

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

 

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

 

SARCASTIC WORKPLACE QUOTES

 

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. – Albert Einstein

 

If anything can go wrong, it will. – Murphy’s Laws

 

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. – Murphy’s Laws

 

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!

 

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

 

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT LIFE LESSONS

 

Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

 

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

 

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

 

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

 

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

 

I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…

 

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT THE OTHER WOMEN

 

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

 

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

 

If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.

 

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

 

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

 

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

 

You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.

 

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

 

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

 

SARCASM MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES

 

Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.

One of the best sarcastic motivational quotes

 

Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.

One of the best sarcastic motivational quotes

 

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

One of the best sarcastic motivational quotes

 

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

 

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

 

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

 

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

 

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

 

SARCASTIC MEME QUOTES

 

Find your patience before I lose mine.

 

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

 

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

 

You sound better with your mouth closed.

 

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.

 

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

 

Link –  9 reasons to stop being sarcastic, with action plan

 

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.

 

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

 

SARCASTIC CHRISTMAS QUOTES

 

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

 

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

 

I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.

 

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

 

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

 

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Posted by Quotes and Thoughts on Thursday, January 16, 2020

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

 

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

 

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

 

Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. -Walter Kerr

 

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

 

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

 

One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average. -Jonathan Fuerbringer

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT FRIENDS

 

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

 

It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. -Mark Twain

 

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen

 

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. -Sir Winston Churchill

 

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

 

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

 

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT FAKE PEOPLE

 

I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters. -Frank Lloyd Wright

 

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

 

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. -Billy Wilder

 

I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…

 

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. -Oscar Wilde

 

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

 

Don’t look back — something might be gaining on you. – Satchel Paige

 

You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.

 

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect. -Benny Hill

 

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

 

Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell. -Aldous Huxley

 

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

 

Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

 

SARCASTIC HUMOROUS QUOTES

 

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.

 

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

 

Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.

 

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. – Albert Einstein

 

Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.

 

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

 

You sound better with your mouth closed.

 

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

 

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

 

I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.

 

SARCASTIC FUNNY BREAK UP QUOTES

 

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

 

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

 

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

 

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.

 

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

 

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

 

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

 

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.

 

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

 

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

 

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SARCASTIC QUOTES TUMBLR

 

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

 

Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

 

You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.

 

SARCASM FRIENDSHIP QUOTES

 

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

 

Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood. -Cal Thomas

 

Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you’re able to persecute. – Jonathan Kellerman

 

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.

 

SARCASTIC GOOD MORNING QUOTES

 

Have no fear of perfection — you’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali

 

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!

 

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

 

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

 

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike. -Oscar Wilde

 

SHORT SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

 

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. -Buddy Hackett

 

Link – How can I stop being sarcastic

 

The best thing you can provide me is your absence” – Ashlin Joby Thekkan

 

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

 

SARCASTIC MOM QUOTES

 

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

 

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

 

You sound better with your mouth closed.

 

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

 

Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.

 

Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

 

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

 

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT DEADBEAT DADS

 

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

 

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense. – Mark Twain

 

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

 

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

 

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

 

SARCASTIC SENIOR QUOTES

 

I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.

 

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.

 

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers? – Cassandra Clare

 

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

 

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

 

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

 

I’m quite sarcastic, and I’m funny, but not kind of funny. It’s a weird funny, and some people don’t get me, and some people do. – Millie Bobby Brown

 

SARCASTIC QUOTES ABOUT ANNOYING PEOPLE

 

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

 

Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.

 

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

 

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

 

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

 

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

 

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

 

EPIC SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

 

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

 

What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera  – Aldous Huxley

 

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love. – Benjamin Disraeli

 

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant

 

CUTE SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

It’s a match made in heaven…by a retarded angel. – Woody Allen

 

Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

 

People that pay for things never complain. It’s the guy you give something to that you can’t please. – Will Rogers

 

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

 

A half truth is a whole lie.- Yiddish Proverb

 

SARCASTIC HUMOR QUOTES

 

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.

 

He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Victor Borge

 

All the good ones are taken. – Murphy’s Laws

 

Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. – Murphy’s Laws

 

FAMOUS SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

Find your patience before I lose mine.

 

The Best Funny Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Sayings

 

I am not young enough to know everything. – Oscar Wilde

 

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

 

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. – Abba Eban

 

SARCASTIC FEMINIST QUOTES

 

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

 

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. – Albert Einstein

 

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

 

Are you always so stupid or is today a special ocassion?

 

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

ANGRY SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

 

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

 

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

 

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

 

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

 

Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

 

HILARIOUS SARCASTIC QUOTES

 

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

 

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant

 

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

 

SARCASTIC BITCH QUOTES

 

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

 

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

 

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

 

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

 

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

 

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

 

Link – How to Deal with Sarcastic People

 

CONCLUSION

 

“We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” – Bill Gates

 

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